


Sounds of Someday

by Erule



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Language, Romance, Slight Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:20:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27981411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erule/pseuds/Erule
Summary: Dean and the reader have always been good friends, even since their fathers made them play together when they were kids. After loving Dean for six years, she thought she had forgotten about him, but when they see each other again at her house, she realizes that she’s still in love with him. But maybe even Dean seems to feel something for her this time. The problem? She’s about to graduate from uni and her father wants her to leave for London. What will she do? Will Dean be willing to let her go now that he has found her again?
Relationships: Dean Winchester/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Sounds of Someday

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: age gap (the reader is 21, while Dean is 26), mention of self-sabotage, mention of a mother abandoning her child, slight smut, angst, romance, friends to lovers, professor!Dean, plot twists, betrayal from a father figure, breakup, language, happy ending.
> 
> Hello hello! This fic participates to Jen’s Make Me Cry Challenge on Tumblr. Thank you Jen for the opportunity and congrats again for your goal! I chose prompt #7, We were never friends, that you can find marked in bold inside the story. I had so much fun writing it! This story means so much to me, I really put my heart into it, so I hope you like it.   
> I suggest you to listen to Sounds of Someday by Radio Company (fic’s title comes from there), 21 by Gracie Abrams (the whole idea of the story comes from here) and Empty Space by James Arthur while reading, if you want.   
> You can also find me on AO3 and Tumblr. Feedback is always appreciated by a writer! Enjoy!

«So, it was all a lie, uh?» she asked, holding back the tears.   
Dean clenched his jaw, shaking his head.  
«No, of course not. It was all true and we were real, Y/N. It’s just that we can’t do this anymore.»  
«You’re breaking up with me after you said you loved me, in a very emotionless way and I should believe that…? Listen Dean, I’m not buying it. Did my Dad forced you to do this?» she asked, coming closer to him. Dean swallowed, without looking at her. She said he wasn’t feeling anything, but she was wrong. He felt something. He felt his whole body burning up just because of her breath near him, but he coudn’t say it. «You can’t even look at me in the eye… You’re gonna regret it, Dean. You’re not coming back from this.»  
«Good, because I don’t want to» he replied, with his best poker face. He really seemed cruel. He had to.  
She bit her bottom lip.  
«I hope you’re satisfied with this ending. I’m certainly not.»  
«Endings are never easy. I’m sorry, kiddo.»  
«I hate when you call me like that, now» she said, her throat dry as the desert. He used to call her like that when she was younger. It was like he cared about her, but making a distance between them at the same time. Dean looked at his bare feet, feeling so guilty. «You used to call me like that, when we were just friends.»  
«But that’s the matter, Y/N: we were never friends» he said, trying to hurt her even more.  
«Well, fuck you, Dean!» she yelled, angrily.   
«I’m sorry, ba… Y/N.»  
«Fuck you, Dean» she repeated, then she surpassed him to get to the door.

***

«Hey Y/N, come downstairs! The Winchesters are here!» said her father.  
«I’m coming!»  
That was the day of their ruin.  
She hadn’t seen Dean in a year and now he looked stunning. He had always been handsome, but now, that guy, who had just turned twenty-six, seemed better than ever. He was breathtaking.   
She sighed on the stairs, then she went downstairs to welcome Dean, his brother, Sam and his father, John. Her father, Jay, had always been a good friend of John, so Sam and Dean were always at her house to play when they were kids. Then, Dean was always coming around because he constantly asked her father what he had to do to become a teacher and now he had finally become a professor at her university. She was twenty-one and she was about to graduate. Jay wanted her to go to London to find a job, but she wasn’t sure about that, because her dream was heading to Chicago.  
«Y/N, are you okay?» Jay asked her.   
«Yes, of course! I was just thinking, sorry. Hi, everybody» she said, politely.   
Dean immediately offered her his hand to shake.  
«Hey, Y/N. You look really beautiful, tonight» he said. Y/N blushed and her father noticed that.  
«Are you hitting on my daughter, Dean?» joked Jay.  
«I always am» Dean replied, with a wink.  
Everybody laughed at that, but Y/N doubted about his answer for a moment. Dean wasn’t someone who talked like that about any girl, not about her anyway, for sure. But that thought was erased instantly: he wasn’t interested in her. She wasn’t attractive, he said that some years before that day with a very simple sentence: “You’re like a sister to me. The little sister I never wanted”. Yeah, that pretty sure cancelled all of her thoughts.  
After the dinner, she went to the garden to breathe some air. She sat down on the little swing they still had from her childhood, a cold beer in her hands and the eyes full of the stars she was looking at.   
Later, she surprised Dean on the door, staring at her. He made her heart beat faster than ever, like the last time she saw him. That was bad, very bad. She had healed from her crush on him a long time ago, she hadn’t to fall for him all over again. It was just painful. Too much painful.  
«Hi» he said, his voice even lower than she remembered.  
«Hey» she said, offering him her beer. «You want some?»  
«Why not?»  
So, he sat on the other swing. They just seemed two children too grown up for that game.   
«How’s uni goin’? I didn’t have the chance to see you after class. It was weird to see you there, even if I was just an assistant of your professor» he said. Y/N chuckled.  
«It’s going well. I just need to pass my last exam and then I’ll be free!» she exclaimed, opening her arms as they were a bird’s wings. He laughed. «I think you were very serious, Winchester.»  
«Was I?»  
«Yes» she answered. Dean was looking at the beer, nodding. «You’re understimating yourself as always, aren’t you?»  
«You know me better than anyone else» he said and then drank a sip from his beer.  
“And even despite that, I loved you anyway”, she thought.  
«You’ve worked so hard for that, Dean. Don’t let anyone take it away from you. You hear me?» she said, pointing a finger at him. Dean smiled.  
«Yes’, m’am.»  
«Good» she said, chuckling. «I’m your number one fan» she added, then she grabbed the beer from his hands to take another sip because being around him made her nervous, but drinking just made the situation worse. «In fact, I had a pretty bad crush on you when I was younger.»  
Dean’s eyes seemed to turn dark, but maybe it was just a wrong impression.  
«This is getting interesting» he said, with a grin.  
«You didn’t notice it? No? Well, when I was in high school I was head over heels for you. I couldn’t think about anyone else, even if when I dated some other guy. They just… weren’t you.»  
«Why didn’t you tell me?» he asked, watching her finishing the beer.  
«Because you always took home some very pretty girls and I always thought that I wasn’t enough for you.»  
«Who’s understimating herself, now?» Dean said and she laughed.  
«Touché.»  
Then, Dean took the bottle away from her hands, touching her fingers. He was warm, unlike the weather. She turned to look at Dean, while her arms were now freezing. His gaze was slowly coming down from her eyes to her lips. Her heart was racing in her chest, not letting her breathing properly. He had never looked at her like that. What had changed?  
«Here, take my jacket» he said out of the blue, offering her it. «Your nose is red like Rudolph’s.»  
She was about to get the jacket with trembling hands, when the voice of her father arrived from the door.  
«Y/N! Dean! What are you doing there? Come inside!»  
His jacked fell on the grass. Y/N stretched an arm in order to get it, but Dean’s hand was faster. He gave it to her, staring at her figure. She was about to burst into flames.  
«Your hands were shaking. Why?» he asked and it was like he was closer to her, because she could feel his scent on herself, the smell of leather and mint.   
«You just said that yourself: I’m cold» she lied.  
«Or was it because I was too close to you?»  
She raised her gaze in order to look at him. His eyes were dark like two black holes.   
«Y/N!» Jay called. «Get inside! Now!»  
Fortunately, that woke her up. She got up from the swing and came in the house. John and Sam were about to leave, that’s why they were saying goodbye to Jay.  
«Is that Dean’s jacket?» Sam asked her, with a grin.  
«Y-yes.»  
«Hey, whatever you’re doing here, stop it» John said to Dean, when he came inside.   
«I’m not doing anything. She was just cold» Dean said, with a shrug. She gave him an eloquent look. He didn’t know that they could play that game together.   
Dean winked at her.  
«You can keep the jacket, if you want.»  
«Nah, I don’t need something to remind me of your cockiness» she said. Sam laughed. Dean nodded, admitting the defeat to himself. «But thanks, though. I was really freezing out there.»  
«You’re such a liar, Y/N» Dean murmured at her ear, while she was returning his jacket to him.  
«Alright, alright, stop it, kids» Jay said. «Dean, I’ll see you tomorrow at work. John, Sam, we’ll see each other another time. Drive safely.»  
«Thank you, Jay» John said.  
And then, they were gone. Y/N helped her father to clean up the kitchen, smelling a strange scent nearby her. He was unusually quiet, but she didn’t want to hear something about London or Dean again. She just wanted to go to bed, feeling pretty satisfied about that evening. She didn’t know why, but Jay seemed to understand it and in fact, he didn’t shoot any question.   
She got to bed feeling the scent of Dean still on herself.

***

«We can’t study like this» Olivia said, putting the books aside. «What’s bothering you? London again?»  
«Oh, believe me, I wish!»  
«Is there something more important than London?»  
«Well… do you remember that guy I liked back in high school?»  
«Who? That idiot that made you feel like you weren’t enough?» Olivia asked and Y/N nodded. «You’re joking, right?»  
«I saw him the other night and I think that he was hitting on me.»  
«This can’t be real!» she shouted.  
«Please, be quiet» Y/N begged her.  
«What was his name? Daniel? Dave?»  
«Dean.»  
«Dean! Yeah, I remember what you told me about him. He was an ass.»  
«Nah, he was just stupid. Now he’s not like that anymore» Y/N said, putting her chin on a hand. A part of her was still thinking about his beautiful green eyes and his hands touching hers.  
«Hey! You have to pass this exam, remember?» Olivia said.   
«Yes, right. Get back to study.»  
Olivia agreed with a smile. She was reading the book again, legs crossed on Y/N’s bed, but Y/N couldn’t. Yeah, London was important, but on the other hand, Dean was her first love. She couldn’t think to leave without knowing if he was just playing with her or not. His eyes were insanely dark the other night, when he was looking at her. Was he just glad that another woman had a crush on him or did it mean something to him? And also, why now? She had so many thoughts in her mind. Then, she noticed that Olivia was staring at her. She was wondering was Y/N was thinking and when she got it, her eyes just popped out like she was a puppet.  
«Oh, fuck Dean Winchester!»  
Someone opened the door. Y/N almost fell from the bed when she saw who had done that. She prayed that he didn’t hear Olivia.  
«Was that an insult or an invitation?» Dean asked, his shoulder lying on the door’s jamb. «I’d prefer the second one» he said with a wink in Y/N’s direction.  
Of course, he had to hear that, she thought.  
«What are you doing here, Dean?» Y/N asked.  
«I was working with your Dad. He wanted me to ask you if you girls would like to take a break from studying and come downstairs» he answered. Olivia kept looking at him like he was the Devil, though. «Do we know each other?» Dean asked, but she shaked her head.  
«Not really.»  
«It’s definitely time to take a break!» Y/N exclaimed.  
Olivia went downstairs, but Dean stopped Y/N from doing that. He closed the door behind himself, scaring her. Why would he do that? It was like they were in some cheap rom-com. That was getting worse.  
«Look Y/N, I want to apologize about the other night» he said. Oh, she didn’t see it coming. «I’m not that kind of guy anymore and I just want you to know that. It’s just that… this job is everything I have ever wanted and I’m so scared of screwing things up, that it’s like I’m doing that on purpose because I think I don’t really deserve it, so I try in every way possible to screw up my life too to prove it. I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I appreciate what you told me and for that, I promise I won’t use it your weaknesses against you.»  
Y/N was overwhelmed by all of that. It seemed like Dean had really became a very mature version of himself and she was really glad he did. Unfortunately, it also made him even more likeable to her.  
«Thanks, Dean» she said.  
«No problem» he replied with a smile.  
And that, that was the moment she knew she fell in love with him all over again. The very start of her downfall.

Two weeks later, she had successfully passed her exam. It was snowing, so she decided to go to a pub near the university with her friends to celebrate. It was Friday night, after all. Olivia came with a gift from her, since she was heading to London and it was a new coat.  
«It’s red, but don’t be naive like Little Red Riding Hood» she said, but Y/N didn’t understand what she meant until she didn’t see someone entering from the door. Someone who noticed her and that now was approaching their table.  
«Hi! How did your exam go?» Dean asked. Olivia rolled her eyes.  
«Well, I just passed it, so I’d say not bad» Y/N answered, happily.  
«I knew it! Come here» he said, before he could give her a proper hug. Every inch of her body just burned up.  
«Thanks, Dean» she said with a soft smile. She’d have sweared she saw Dean’s eyes shine.  
«I’ll leave you to your friends» he said.  
She looked at Olivia, who was already shaking her head, but she wanted him to stay really bad, so in the end, after she bit her bottom lip, she called him.  
«Dean! Hey, if you’re not busy with your friends, maybe you could… you know… stay.»  
Dean smiled and he felt her heart doing a flip.   
«Unfortunately I’m here with other professors, but I’ll come around later, is that okay?»  
She nodded.  
«Yes» she said, lying to him.  
Then, the hours passed very quickly. She spent the evening laughing and joking with her friends, but she couldn’t deny that she often glanced at Dean. The thought of being there wih him but far away, killed her from within. It was as if a rib was missing from her body, a limb of her skin that now belonged to him. It belonged to him since she was fifteen, actually.  
The pub was about to close. Oliva was very drunk, so she got home with a friend, while the others went away. Maybe it was a dumb idea, but she stayed because of Dean’s promise. Ten minutes later, while she was sitting at the table all alone, someone offered her a beer.  
«Hey, I’m here finally» Dean said, taking a seat in front of her.  
«Hi» she replied with a tired smile.  
Dean wetted his lips before talking.  
«I saw your friends leaving and I was wondering… why did you stay here, all alone?» he asked.  
Her heart started racing faster and faster in her chest. Did she want him so bad to ruin everything between them? Dean was someone who noticed things so he probably did understand the situation very well. Also, his bad jokes that night at her’s still made her think that maybe he liked her too. Maybe not as much as her, but it was still something. But was it right to settle with someone who didn’t want her completely? Because she wanted Dean in every aspect a human being could be wanted.  
«Where’s the catch? Because you said that you didn’t want to use my feelings against me» she said.  
Dean clenched his jaw, looking at his hands crossed on the table. He still had the silver ring of his mother. Then, he slowly looked at her, raising his eyelids, so seriously she could swear it was maybe the first time she saw him that way.  
«No catch. I just wanna know. You’re free to tell me a lie and I’ll believe it. But please, if you stayed here because you were waiting for me, I’d really love to hear it.»  
Her throat was dry.  
«Why?»  
«Because no one ever did something like this for me. And I know that it probably seem stupid, but it shows me that you care» he answered, with a soft smile on his lips. «So, I’m gonna ask you for the last time, before they kick us out, why did you stay here?»  
She swallowed, looking straight into his eyes. They were incredibly green. Constellations of flowers. It was now or never. Her voice was like a winter’s breath, when she spoke.  
«For you.»  
Then, she couldn’t remember how they arrived to Dean’s apartment, but she remembered very well how his clothes fell on the floor or the way he delicately throw her dress off of her. It was all slowed like in a movie. It almost seemed a dream to her.   
«I’m not doing this, if you don’t want me to» Dean said, his thumb brushing her lips.   
«I want you, Dean. I’ve always wanted you. Always» Y/N said and then, Dean kissed her so hard, they crumbled on the bed.  
She felt the coldness of his ring on her back, while his fingertips were caressing it. Their lips found each other and a spark was born, fuse of the Apocalypse. She felt like collapsing, cut into two parts, completely folded as a blooming flower.   
He completed them. Every single empty space. He filled them all.  
«Could you repeat it, please? Always.»  
She smiled on his lips.  
«Always» she whispered, between the kisses. «Always.»  
And she kept repeating it all night.

***

She looked at him like he wasn’t supposed to be there, but she was glad he was. It was her graduation day. They’ve been together for three months, without their fathers knowing it, but Sam and Olivia were well aware of that. Never in a million years she would have thought to see that day. To actually see Dean there, standing between her father and Sam, clapping at her with a smile so bright on his face, she could swear it could cure every disease. It was so pure, but mostly, happy and it was all for her. She held back the tears, but it was, without a doubt, the most important day of her life. The most beautiful one. Maybe having faith did help at something.  
She got back to Jay, who hugged her tight and said something like My baby has graduated now in a very proud tone of voice. She also hugged John and Sam, before she could finally look at Dean.  
«You did it» he said.  
«I did it» she repeated, blushing, even if she didn’t know why. He had that influence on her.  
«I knew you would have made it» he said and then, he did something she wouldn’t thought he would have done. He kissed her.  
It was like her whole world fell apart. He cupped her cheeks and gave her a gentle kiss on her lips. She felt her whole chest burning because of that, her skin collapsing between his hands.   
When they parted, she saw the light in his eyes and bit her bottom lip. It was an authentic moment of pure joy. The emotion in his gaze was real. He was real. It was like the universe had accepted every desire she wished for, every year for six years. He meant it. And he was there to see her succeed.   
Thank you, her lips mimed.  
But his answer surprised her once again: I love you.   
She didn’t even have the time to elaborate his words, that her father spoke: «What just happened?»  
She felt it. That was the moment he was about to tear Dean away from her. The moment she didn’t want to come. The moment everything fell apart like a castle made of sand. She felt the coldness in her bones, like a warning.   
«Jay, please…» John tried to say, but Jay stopped him with the sign of his hand.  
«You’re not getting away with this, Dean» Jay said and Dean just shrugged, like it was normal to him.  
«I don’t understand, Jay. Did I offend you in any way?» he asked, calmly.   
«We’ll talk later.»  
And then, she understood. He kissed her on purpose becase it was a public place, so Jay couldn’t say anything because of his reputation, but now he knew about them. Clever, very clever.  
After the ceremony, Dean took her hand and they just hid behind the stage. He kissed her, his hands everywhere and nowhere along her dress, that ascended her legs, her stomach, her waist.   
«You think you’re smart, Winchester?» she asked, while he was sucking the skin of her neck.  
«I think I’m utterly smart, as a matter of fact» he said, looking at her with messy hair and dark eyes.   
God, he was so beautiful in that moment.  
She laughed. A laugh so clear and free that made Dean smile like a child. It was so unreal.  
«He’s gonna kill you, you know that?»  
«I already spent three months of Heaven with you, who cares?»  
«Heaven? Damn, I have to be a wild fire in bed.»  
«Oh, trust me baby, you are» he said and she laughed again.  
«Come on now, Sam and your friends are waiting for us. We’re gonna get so drunk tonight, you’re not gonna even remember your own name!» he said with an excited voice, kissing her hand.  
«But I’ll certainly still remember you» she replied, with two images of Dean in her eyes like two comets. He gave her a delicate kiss on her lips.  
«You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, Y/N.»

The next day, Dean got up in a strange room. He wasn’t in his apartment for sure. It looked very different. He looked at his watch: 11 AM. What did he do last night? And then, when he turned, he saw the answer: the girl of his dreams was sleeping next to him. He caressed her hair, left a kiss on her temple and then put on his clothes.   
When he got downstairs, he immediately met her father in the kitchen. He saw Dean while he was drinking a cup of coffee.  
«’Morning, Jay» he said.   
Jay groaned in his direction. He was surely still angry at him. He wanted to talk to him, but he had a terrible headache due to the hungover, so he wasn’t at his best. He sat down at the table, thinking about his next move, when Jay gave him a cup of coffee and an Aspirine.  
«I talk, you take this» he started. «Look Dean, we’ve been knowing for years by now and we’re also colleagues, so I think I can say that I know you pretty well. You’re a very good guy, but you’re also a hard person to love. You’re scared of being left behind and for that, I suggest you to use this fear of yours to break up with my daughter.»  
Dean almost spilled his tea on Jay.  
«What?»  
«You heard me. You’re gonna hurt her sooner or later, I know what you do. You think you can take advantage of her, just because she’s been in love with you since she was fifteen?» he asked. Dean looked confused: how did he find that out? Did Y/N tell him? «I’m a single father of a girl, Dean. I had to learn a lot of things. I noticed the way he looked at you. Hell, she still looks at you like that!» he exclaimed. Dean felt flattered about that, but he was still scared of what Jay just said. «I want you to break up with her. Just what you usually do, I think you’re pretty good at that by now.»  
And that hurt. Jay was like a second father to him, a friend in some way, a role model and now he was just destroying their relationship. It was too much to handle.  
«Jay, I know you’re just trying to protect her, but we’re adults now and…»  
«She’s only twenty-one, Dean! She doesn’t even know what life is. She had to understand that hard work pays, that’s why she has to go to London. Life’s not a fairy tale.»  
«I get it, but why London? I mean, she could look for some job here or…» Dean tried to argue, but Jay’s glance explained it all to him. And it was heartbreaking. «London was her best chance to forget me, wasn’t it? Your plan has always been this: sending her as far away as possible from me. You helped me to get the job at your university so you could make sure that I couldn’t leave it to follow her» he said. His back slipped along the chair, his throat dry. «You never admired me. It was all a lie.»  
«No Dean, don’t get me wrong: I’ve always put my faith on you, because I knew that you were capable of doing great things, but you’re not the perfect fit for my daughter. It’s just as simple as that.»  
«You came up with a fucking plan to take her away from me and now you’re even playing the martyr here?» Dean shouted, getting up from the seat. «You’re a monster, Jay. You don’t love your daughter, if you don’t let her decide what she wants from life. And for the record, I’ve changed. I’m not that fuckboy anymore. But maybe you were too busy thinking about your stupid plan to realize that» Dean said and then he got out from the house.  
He was furious with Jay. He had always put nothing but trust in that man, confessing him every fear, every thought, every memory and now he just betrayed him like that. He wanted to punch a wall so bad, in that moment. But the worst thing he couldn’t believe he was thinking was that despite all of that, Jay knew that he would have done that.   
And he knew that too.

He had avoided her for two days. Olivia had already told her that he was back to his old habits, but she didn’t believe it. Dean had grown. He was not the same guy of some years ago, he was trustworthy and reliable now. A lot people just kept seeing him as someone who wasn’t serious just because that was they wanted to see.  
Then, he called.  
«Y/N?»  
«Hey, Dean.»  
«Can we meet, please? I have to tell you something.»  
She swallowed.  
«Yes, of course. Where?»  
«At mine’s. Twenty minutes.»  
«Okay. Dean, are you alright?»  
«See you later, Y/N.»  
He was definitely not fine.  
Anyway, she got there twenty minutes later. He opened the door, never even glanced at her and made her enter. He looked terrible, like he didn’t sleep at all for two days. He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked very pale. He had some grey sweatpants on and a white t-shirt. It was like turning back time and seeing him when he was studying for the last year of high school. He seemed so lost back then and he seemed so lost now too. It was heartbreaking.  
«Dean?»  
«Y/N, this could be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do» he began, running a hand through his hair.  
«If that’s because I didn’t say it back, you don’t have to…»  
«What?» he asked. He seemed so confused. «No, it’s not that.»  
«Then what happened, Dean?» she asked, getting closer to him, but he made a step back.  
«Please, don’t. Just… don’t» he said. It was like a weight was expanding in his chest. «Y/N, we have to break up» he said, raising his eyelids to look at her in a way that had always made her heart do a flip. But now, it was just tragically painful.   
«What? Why?»  
«Because you’re going to London now and I don’t do long-distance relationships.»  
She made a noise of disbelief.  
«You’re joking, right? Please, tell me that you’re joking. This is so stupid.»  
«Look, I’ve been abandonded by my Mom when I was a child and you know that. I just don’t want you to leave me too. And London it’s your best chance for a brighter future.»  
«You’re what, Freud, now?» she asked, incredulous. It was all ridiculous.  
«Just respect my decision, okay? You’ll find someone better than me, I promise» he said, but he could barely look at her while he was doing that. It costed him an enormous amount of strength to say those words.  
She sighed, defeated within her bones.   
«So, it was all a lie, uh?» she asked, holding back the tears.   
Dean clenched his jaw, shaking his head.  
«No, of course not. It was all true and we were real, Y/N. It’s just that we can’t do this anymore.»  
«You’re breaking up with me after you said you loved me, in a very emotionless way and I should believe that…? Listen Dean, I’m not buying it. Did my Dad forced you to do this?» she asked, coming closer to him. Dean swallowed, without looking at her. She said he wasn’t feeling anything, but she was wrong. He felt something. He felt his whole body burning up just because of her breath near him, but he coudn’t say it. «You can’t even look at me in the eye… You’re gonna regret it, Dean. You’re not coming back from this.»  
«Good, because I don’t want to» he replied, with his best poker face. He really seemed cruel. He had to.  
She bit her bottom lip.  
«I hope you’re satisfied with this ending. I’m certainly not.»  
«Endings are never easy. I’m sorry, kiddo.»  
«I hate when you call me like that, now» she said, her throat dry as the desert. He used to call her like that when she was younger. It was like he cared about her, but making a distance between them at the same time. Dean looked at his bare feet, feeling so guilty. «You used to call me like that, when we were just friends.»  
«But that’s the matter, Y/N: we were never friends» he said, trying to hurt her even more.  
«Well, fuck you, Dean!» she yelled, angrily.   
«I’m sorry, ba… Y/N.»  
«Fuck you, Dean» she repeated, then she surpassed him to get to the door, but she stopped halfway through it. She bit her bottom lip, then she turned to look at him, who was confused. «You know what, Dean? Fuck you, because you think I don’t know. I heard you shouting the other day, I can only imagine what my father said to you» she said. Dean’s eyes grew wide at that realization. It hit him right in the ribs. «You’ve always understimated yourself, but I did too. Now I know that we were wrong. I remember when you brought me home one night, after the school’s dance. I looked at your face, half soaked in light and you know, you had these crystal green eyes that made me think about a lighthouse, because it helps ships come back to the shore and I thought... I thought they could bring me back home. You’ve always been my home» she said, with tears in her eyes.  
Dean felt a lump in his throat, that maybe him unable to talk.   
«Please, don’t do this» he begged her.  
«Look Dean, I’ve been in love with you for six years now. I blamed it on the alcohol, but since we’re two adults, let’s be honest here: I wanted to say it to you. I wanted you to know that. I hid that for a long time, I was capable of keep going with it, but I didn’t. But since I’m an adult, I also know that life’s not a fairy tale, so when it seemed that you liked me too, I just took the chance. It could have lasted a day or a year, I just wanted that. You. Us. I wanted all of it. I fell in love with you every fucking day for the past six years and despite your bad behaviour sometimes, I still loved you. Or maybe I did because of that, I don’t know. So please, respect my heart and tell me right now, right now Dean, if you’ve ever felt something for me, because I think you owe me this, at least. It’s alright even if you didn’t, but tell me the truth. I think that after everything we’ve been trough, I deserve it. I’m asking you for just one thing.»  
Dean looked like he was about to fall apart. His eyes were glossy and red at the corners.  
«Repeat the question, please.»  
It reminded her of the night at the pub. She nodded, swallowing.  
«Did you feel something for me?»  
And then, Dean answered something she couldn’t see it coming in six years.  
«I did» he said. And then, with his eyes full of tears, he added: «I do.»  
She let slip a sob out of her throat.  
«Then why are you doing this? Don’t listen to my father and stay with me» she said, caressing his cheek. Dean closed his eyes, leaning into her touch.  
«Because I think you should go to London anyway. It’s your best chance. I dont deserve you. I never did. It was just a pretty good fantasy I wanted to believe in.»  
She took a step back. His cheek suddenly seemed too cold.  
«This is not about you Dean, it’s about me! It’s about the fact that I want you and trust me, besides the graduation, I’ve never wanted anything so bad in my entire life like I want you right now» she said. That word had always been a very strong word for her and now Dean did too. «You were the love of my life when I was young. You still are» she whispered, right before her voice cracked up.  
Dean sighed, defeated into his bones.  
«I’m sorry, Y/N. I don’t know what else to say.»  
And then, she walked away. Dean closed his eyes, feeling like he couldn’t breathe. He had to let her go. She had to go to London, to go away from there. She wasn’t supposed to stay. He just had to accept that. Her father was right: she deserved the world and he was just stopping her from having it.  
But she was right about one thing: he was gonna regret it. For the rest of his life.

***

«Are you ready for London?» Olivia asked on FaceTime, smiling. She shrugged. «Y/N, please, stop thinking about Dean. He just made you waste plenty of time. You’re gonna forget about him, you’ll see.»  
«Just be honest, Olivia: you never liked him» she said, annoyed.  
Olivia sighed.  
«I liked him, Y/N. » she confessed, surprisingly. «That’s why I wanted you to never have something with him. Because I knew that he would have anchored you here and you don’t belong to Lebanon. You have the skills to do anything you want. Don’t make a man or anybody, stop you.»  
«You knew he liked me?»  
«I knew he was head over heels for you the moment he leaned an eye on you the first time I’ve met him» Olivia said.   
She held back the tears.  
«Thanks, Olivia.»  
«You’re welcome. Now pack your things. Tomorrow’s almost here!»  
But is that a good day without Dean by her side?

She had just left. He saw her going to the airport on a Taxi. The last time he had seen her had been awful, but this one? This was way worse. Because he didn’t get to actually see her. He just knew it was her in that car, slipping away from his fingers.  
«Dean?» Jay called, on the threshold of the door.  
«I’m here to talk to you» Dean said, firmly.  
Jay let him in, wondering what he could possibily wanted now. He seemed so sure of himself, like he had never been. Maybe he really grew up, somehow. And he didn’t even notice.  
«What do you want from me, Dean?»  
«You know, I never really got the chance to thank you, Jay. I mean, you helped me get into college, become a professor, make me a father when John wasn’t there… I’m really grateful for that. And you know, I broke up with your daughter as you asked me to, even if I hated every second of what I did. But didn’t give me a chance to explain myself or maybe I just wouldn’t take it, because I was too busy thinking that I wasn’t enough. I did it for almost all of my life, you know that and you never told me that it was bullshit. You know who did? Your daughter» Dean said. Jay clenched his jaw. «So, since I’ve figured out I’m better than the fuckboy you get to know, thanks to her too, I just want to say to you that I’m in love with her and I would have done anything to make her happy, anything» Dean said, with a lump in his throat. It took him a lot to actually say those words out loud. But he was glad he finally did. «She’s the only one. She’s the one for me, Jay. I love her and even if I’m terrified about this, I want to be with her. I just want to be around her until I can and until she’ll let me to. Please, don’t take this away from me. Please» he begged him.  
Jay put a hand on his shoulder, nodding.  
«I appreciate your words son, I really do, but I can’t let you stop her. I’m sorry.»  
Dean took a step back, disappointed.  
«No, you’re not.» Dean said, with disgust in his voice. «You know what? Screw you, Jay. I’m gonna get her back and I’m gonna follow her to London. I won’t spend another day without her. We already lost too many of them.»  
And with that, he was already in his Impala to get to her. He arrived at the airport and began to look for her the second he took a foot inside. But since life’s not a fairy tale, when he found her gate, it was already too late.  
She was gone.

He got back at his apartment, sighing. He had lost her forever and the worst part of that was that he had done that to himself. He opened the door and felt empty.   
«Dean» someone whispered his name in a soft tone.  
He turned to look at Y/N behind him, who was getting up from the stairs.  
«Y/N? What are you doing here?»  
«I didn’t leave. Can I come in, please?»  
He nodded.  
«Sure.»  
She entered.  
«A good friend told me that I was capable of doing anything I wanted and I thought that letting my Dad decide about my future was not what I wanted. That’s why I got back» she explained. «But I don’t want you to stop me either. So I’m just here to tell you that I’ll move to Chicago, so I can use my degree properly» she said. Dean lacked of words. «That’s it? I mean, I didn’t think you could say something like I’ll come with you, sweetheart, but maybe…»  
«I was at the airport» he finally said.   
«What?» she asked, confused.  
«Your father didn’t give me the permission to go after you, but I did it anyway. I was ready to go to London with you» he confessed, clenching his jaw.  
«Really?»  
«Yes» he said and he was about to fall into pieces for saying that. «Chicago sounds alright too. I don’t really care.»  
«But your job… and you hate flying!» she exclaimed.  
«I’d hate to spend the rest of my life without you, sweetheart» he said, caressing her shoulders with a smile. «Is it a better answer than the one you expected?»  
She nodded, a lump in her throat.  
«It’s the best answer you could ever give to me» she said, before he kissed her.


End file.
